Vance Lazer

Vance Lazer is the coolest possible soldier [citation needed], and also the luckiest. He has white hair and a cool scar. He is the coolest guy with a cool sword and a cool dagger.

The hilt of his sword is fashioned in the scandalous likeness of a wanton and willing wench. The dagger is crafted in an elaborate likeness of a demon eating a chicken. Or something.

For meritorious service during the latter half of the Battle of New Pyleus, Vance was given the honorary and meaningless rank of Major.